The Wizard of CW
by Peach-Fox
Summary: Sam awakes to a world of garish Technicolor with a pair of ruby red sneakers on his feet. He not sure how he got there, and doesn't know how to leave, but one thing is for certain- he's not in Kansas anymore.
1. Chapter 1

Sam managed to catch his brother's eye as he fired hap-haphazardly at one of the dozen encroaching angels. He could see the great, oozing slash in Dean's side, and the way he was leaning, the haze that was beginning to creep around those green irises-signaling what could only be a few more moments of consciousness. Sam looked back at the human vessels picking themselves off the ground, eyes alight with power and fury, and he was pretty sure that this was going to be it. He didn't see a way out of this one, not with Raphael so near, and Dean beginning to droop to floor from blood loss. Sam quickly ran the several steps it took to get to his brother's side. Dean grinned tiredly at him. Sam smiled back. If the Winchesters were going out, they were going to do it fighting, and side by side.

Suddenly, Castiel was beside them, blue eyes bright and livid and desperate, and he was roughly grabbing Sam and Dean's wrists and shouting something that made the Winchester's ears ring, and then the three were gone, vanished in a flurry of feathers and blood.

Sam came to consciousness slowly and painfully. He felt like he'd been hit by a house. He gingerly cracked his eyes open to meet a garishly azure sky. He was lying on his back, in what must have been grass, but seemed abnormally bright green. He was surprised to see a dog lying at his side. A very familiar looking dog.

"Bones!" Sam croaked. The lab jumped to his feet and turned to greet his master, entire body wiggling with joy as he attempted to lick every exposed part of Sam that he could find. Sam laughed, then winced. He was pretty sure that those angels had broken at least two of his ribs. It was nothing, though, compared to what they had done to-

"Dean!" Sam cried, sitting up suddenly and gasping at the pain. Bones looked around helpfully. "Dean!"

Sam became aware of a large wooden house that seemed to have...fallen several yards away from him. There was no other explanation of the way the foundation was crumpled and the strange tilt that the whole structure sat at. Sam's attention was caught by another almost painfully bright color at the base of the house. It looked like the house had taken out someone in it's fall. Someone with...glittering ruby sneakers.

Sam's eyes widened as his mind slowly put pieces together. The sneakers faded from the base of the house, and Sam watched them materialize onto his own feet. For the first time, he took a look at his button up shirt, which was a white and light-blue checkered pattern.

Sam turned away from the house to find a group of small people- very small people- gathering at the outskirts of what looked to be a city built of candy. Sam gaped when he recognized one of the front-standing people as Ben, Lisa's son. Although he seemed to be wearing some sort of horrible lederhosen-suit, similar to what members of the group behind him wore.

"Bones," he said quietly. The dog's ears pricked forward.

"I don't think we're in Kansas anymore."

"You did it," Ben said wonderingly, staring at the wooden house and the feet that were currently in the process of curling out of sight. He turned a wide eyed gaze on Sam.

"The demon is dead!"

"The demon is dead!" chorused the collection of small figures, who Sam was starting to recognize as various children that he and Dean had rescued in their hunting.

Sam was aware of some sort of bubble growing on the horizon, before it became uncomfortably close and suddenly burst right beside him. An extremely unamused Bobby emerged in an lacy white suit. He disdainfully held a stick with a star on it, presumably a wand, in one hand. He gave it an unenthusiastic wave.

"So you killed the yellow-eyed demon, and all these midgets here are grateful," he said.

"Bobby, what the hell-ow!" Sam stopped mid-question when Bobby gave him a very solid whack with the wand.

"I ain't finished!" he snapped.

"I've got a lot to do, so let's cut to the chase," Bobby continued, glowering. "You see that yellow-"

But the children, unable to contain their excitement, began the song slightly early, and could not be quelled by Bobby's indignant cries about timing. Music hastily swelled from the nauseatingly bright hills, and a timely wind swept in to ripple the grass

_Ding dong, the demon's dead!_

_Yellow-Eyed has finally died_

_Ding dong, the wicked demon's dead!_

Sam and Bobby followed after the group of parading children, who were going to an extraordinary length to vocalize how very, extremely dead the demon really was.

Part way through the song, however, just as the children were really getting into the tra la la's,

the sky shook and darkened, lightning struck, Bones began to bark, and suddenly, before them, stood Crowly in a handsome black suit. He looked over Bobby with a slight smile.

"I believe your Gran is missing several doilies," he remarked.

"Bite me!" spat Bobby.

Crowly turned a bored gaze on Sam.

"Well, my moose," he said, "You've killed my brother. What a shame. Though to be perfectly honest with you, I was never much of a fan of Yellow-Eyes. Not one of the classiest demons, if you know what I mean."

Sam gave him a blank look.

"And those hideous shoes of his," Crowly continued, before noticing said shoes residing comfortably around Sam's feet. He raised his eyebrows.

"Those rather _powerful_, hideous shoes. Inconvenient," he murmured. "I haven't the slightest where those mammoth feet of yours have been. I suppose it's nothing that some quality Tide-"

"Shut yer trap, Crowly!" Bobby said. Crowly shot him a dirty look.

"Those shoes are on Sam, and that's where they're staying," Bobby continued. Crowly heaved a sigh.

"Always trouble with you lot," he said, irritation leaking into his bored voice. "Fine. I'll be back."

The demon snapped his fingers and vanished in a final crack of thunder.

"Grow a pair, midgets!" Bobby shouted to the mass of cowering children. He sniffed the air and wrinkled his nose.

"Sulfur," he remarked.

"I ate some sulfur for lunch," Sam said seriously. "Bobby, how am I supposed to get out of here?"

"You gotta see Oz," Bobby replied. "He should be able to send you back."

"Where do I find him?" Sam continued. Bobby looked at him with exasperation.

"Follow the yellow brick road, ya idjit!"

With that, Bobby snapped his fingers and disappeared.

Sam glanced over at the children, who were staring at him gleefully and looked very near to bursting back into song.

"I got it, I got it," Sam said hastily, cutting off what he was sure was about to be a very repetitive and generally unhelpful musical number.

"Follow the yellow brick road."


	2. Chapter 2

Sorry this chapter's a little short, but I wanted to organize it by introduction of character! Guess who's gonna be next. :) Thanks for all of the support!

* * *

Bones trotted merrily after Sam, keeping up with the brisk pace that his master had set. The yellow brick road was not hard to follow, being the horrifyingly bright color it was, and wide enough for a semi to drive on. It didn't take them very long to come to a crossroad, where Sam paused. His thoughts were violently broken, as they so often were, by his brother's voice.

"Sam!" came the bellow from very near by. Sam was relieved to hear only plain, unadulterated fury in Dean's voice instead of pain or panic.

"Dean," Sam called "Where are you?"

"Over here!"

Sam hopped a wooden fence and began picking his way through a corn field.

"Where?" Sam called again

"Here!" Dean yelled, irritation overpowering his tone. Sam dug a little farther into the corn, faithfully followed by Bones, until he reached a wooden cross, where he found his brother (who was very convincingly dressed like a scarecrow) pinned up.

"Little help!" Dean cried, flapping his hands uselessly. Sam quickly undid the fastens that held Dean, and his brother fell to the ground in heap. He was on his feet almost instantly, glowering around.

"Someone is going to die for this," he said darkly, making a wild gesture at the Technicolor world around them.

"How are _you_ not dead?" Sam asked bluntly. "You were losing so much blood."

Dean fixed an unamused gaze on his brother, and spread his arms. The patchwork shirt was torn open, and beneath it was a wide gash in Dean's potato-sack body. Several tufts of hay fell out.

"I guess I'm just lucky like that," Dean said.

"Seriously, Dean," Sam persisted. "This is lucky. I can't believe you talked me into storming an ambush like that."

"Well, that's just the thing about me, Sammy," Dean replied. "I don't have much sense,"

Music began to fill the air, and Dean gave Sam a despairing look.

"Oh god, Dean no-"

_I could get a bunch of shit done,_

_Be productive in the long-run,_

_Be a master of offense,_

_Raise my overall success rate _

_We could probably stem our death rate,_

_If I only had some sense_

As he sang, Dean danced liltingly around the fence with an expression of fury and mortification.

_I'd anticipate betrayal,_

_Keep my soul away from sale,_

_See through all pretense_

_**With that forethought lodged in your head**_

_**Then my girlfriend might not be dead**_

_**If you only had some sense.**_

Sam added unenthusiastically, physically unable to stop himself.

_By now I could have learned,_

_That the Winchesters are screwed_

_All their allies, lovers, friends and family too,_

_That in the end- It's just me and you._

_My hand might not be so bloody,_

_With the remnants of my buddies_

_My guilt not so immense,_

_I could just throw the towel in,_

_Finally die and quit my scowlin'_

_If I only had some sense._

Dean stopped dancing and the music quieted as the brothers reached the brick road. Dean stared at Sam for several moments, expression unreadable.

"This never happened," he finally stated.

"What never happened?" Sam asked.

"We gotta find Cas," Dean continued. "He'll be able to get us out of here."

"Bobby said that we needed to go see the wizard," Sam said, frowning as he heard his words.

"Bobby?"

"Well, Good-Witch-of-the-North Bobby. Also, Crowly wants my shoes,"

"I am so done with this," Dean said. "Let's just find wings and get out of here."

"How?" Sam asked, raising his eyebrows.

"I guess..." Dean began, looking distastefully down at the bright road.

"Follow the yellow brick road?" Sam finished. Dean winced at the words, but nodded. The Winchesters started walking, followed by the loyal golden retriever.

"If you start skipping I _will_ punch you," Dean quietly told his brother. Sam smiled.


	3. Chapter 3

_Sorry about the wait, chums. The internet and I had a bit of a fight. I would like to dedicate this chapter to _

* * *

Soon, Sam, Dean, and Bones arrived at an apple orchard.

"Don't pick any of the apples," Sam warned. Dean gave him a strange look.

"When have you ever seen me eat an apple?" he asked. Sam was trying hard to think of a single instance of said event when he heard a small noise, something grating and metallic, but with a clearly defined word.

"Oil-"

Sam and Dean glanced at each other to confirm that neither had spoken. On a whim, Dean ducked under a nearby tree and could be heard making an exasperated sound. Sam followed him to find a frozen, silver-faced Castiel.

"Crap," muttered Sam. Dean had already found the oil can and was clicking it onto Castiel's face. The angel blinked slowly and worked his jaw.

"Oil," he repeated, this time in his usual, gruff voice.

"I'm working on it!" Dean said angrily.

"They had a holy oil barrier around the warehouse," Castiel continued, flexing the arm that Dean had just finished with.

"That's why I was late, but you should have waited," the angel said, anger flashing in his eyes (which were a whole new level of blue in this world.) "It was foolhardy to go into what you knew was an angelic ambush without me,"

"Makes no sense, right?" Dean said wryly. "I just did a whole number on it. But where the hell are we now, Cas? I'm really hoping that this is your doing."

"It is," Castiel confirmed. "I pulled us into the first parallel universe I found."

"And it wouldn't have anything to do with that Judy Garland movie marathon you watched last night, I'm sure," Sam said. Castiel became suddenly very interested in his feet. Dean stood up and tossed the oil can aside.

"It doesn't matter," Dean said impatiently. "We can go now."

He looked expectantly at Castiel. The angel avoided his gaze.

"Cas?" Dean said. Castiel rubbed his neck.

"We can go," he said slowly "as soon as I retrieve my grace."

Sam and Dean let out a unanimous groan.

"No grace?" Dean asked disbelievingly.

"No grace," Castiel repeated.

Music began to fill the orchard, and Dean gave Sam a knowing look.

Castiel didn't sing so much as speak the lyrics, with an especially bewildered expression on his metal face.

_When an angel fills his vessel_

_He does not expect wrestle_

_With enochian displace_

_I'll zap back through dimensions_

_Flap my wings and start ascension_

_After I regain my grace_

_I'll reunite with all creation_

_And perhaps in celebration _

_We can finally hit sixth base_

Castiel directed a metallic wink at Dean, who grinned in reply. Sam watched this exchange with horror.

_I'll connect with my brethren_

_Plan a social trip to heaven,_

_After I regain my grace_

_Remember me- epiphanies_

_Above issue commands_

(Deep voice from somewhere very high up)

_Castiel, trust God's plan._

(Castiel)

_I'd redesign fate...just great_

_To hear that angel static; complex and errratic,_

_Refill this empty space_

_Things will be back to normal_

_(Which for us, is _para_normal)_

_After I regain my grace_

The customary silence of a post-musical-number followed.

"Sixth base?" Sam asked weakly. "How long has-"

"Man, with angels it is a whole other ball park," Dean said, grinning. Castiel fixed a serious gaze on Sam.

"Shortly after the breaking of the last seal, your brother and I began to engage in regular se-"

"Cas, do you know where your grace is?" Sam asked hurriedly, in a loud voice. Castiel shook his head.

"There's no way to tell for certain, but I have a fairly good idea of its location," he said. Dean had plodded off to retrieve the oil can, which he figured they would need again before too long.

"If you're all lubed up, let's get on with it," Dean sighed, waving the can toward the road.

"Well this is turning out to be a heartwarming little journey," said a familiar voice. Sam, Dean, and Cas looked up. Crowly sat in a tree, smiling down at them.

"Oh, please don't let me interrupt you," he said, hopping to the ground and brushing off his suit. "You three have such a splendid natural stage presence, I wouldn't want to throw you off,"

Team free will, MGM model, glared at Crowly.

"I presume you're going to help your little moose go to find the wizard," Crowly continued, studying his nails in bored manner.

"You bet your British candy ass we are!" Dean replied angrily, pointing violently at the demon. Castiel nodded, looking severe.

"Grand," muttered Crowly. "Well, I'll be around. You know, probably trying to kill you or something. Happy trails."

He snapped his fingers and was gone.

"That was a completely unnecessary entrance," Sam said.

"I am genuinely shocked that you are heterosexual," Dean replied.

"You're apparently one to talk," Sam retorted. Dean shrugged.

Castiel had wandered back to the bricks and was looking at the brothers with his usual, serious expression.

"We should go," he said. Sam walked back to the road, followed by Bones and a reluctant Dean. Castiel extended both of his arms and looked at the Winchesters expectantly.

"Cas, you gotta be kidding," Dean whined. Castiel looked imploringly at the scarecrow, and Dean heaved a spectacularly dramatic sigh. He grudgingly took the tin-man's arm and was rewarded with a silvery beam. Sam took the other arm and the trio began a very poorly coordinate, lurching skip down the golden path.

* * *

_I was going to make Cas's song really angsty, but then I discovered that I could rhyme "grace" with "sixth base." Also, I know that I rhymed normal with paranormal and, no, I'm not sorry._


	4. Chapter 4

_Sorry this took so long and is so short! Lyric writing is hard. Hope y'all enjoy, and I should have more on its way in the semi-near future._

* * *

"This forest gives me the creeps," Sam said, commenting on the dark wooded area that he and the others had entered some twenty minutes earlier. Bones crept warily at his side, followed by a very serious Castiel and, finally, a moping Dean.

"Yeah, well Micheal Jackson's nose gives me the creeps, but you don't hear me complaining," Dean said moodily.

"I don't understand-" Castiel began.

"It's not important," Dean cut him off.

"What do you think is in there?" Sam gave a nod toward the trees. Dean shrugged.

"In this candy land nightmare who knows. Unicorns or something. If we were back home it'd probably have, I dunno, vamps or demons or shifters, with our luck."

"Vamps?" Sam asked.

"And demons?" Castiel repeated, furrowing his brow.

"And shifters," confirmed Dean.

"Oh my."

The travelers spun around to face whoever had said this, the voice having come from somewhere on the the path behind them. They were met with the smirking face of a man, clad in a lion suit- complete with ears, tail, mane, and whiskers.

"Gabriel!" Castiel said, frowning and taking several steps toward the angel. "How did you get here?"

"Good to see you too," Gabriel replied dryly, "It appears that I got caught up in your ascension, little brother. I suppose that's what I get for being as close to the warehouse as I was. Easy to avoid someone when you're right under their noses, you know."

"Did any of the other-" Castiel began.

"Keep your feathers down, Cassie, it's just me. I must have been right next to you when I started my ascent," Gabriel said, then sighed dramatically. "Could have been such a clean getaway too."

"You know, we're headed to this wizard dude," Dean said, waving a hand in the direction that he imagined Oz was. "Maybe he'd be able to give you some masculinity,"

Dean chuckled at his wit, but the laughter immediately stopped when music began to issue from the trees.

"Oh, you have got to be joking me," Dean said, "_Another_ one?"

Gabriel grinned at him.

_When you're anything but daring,_

_Your valor nigh or sparing,_

_Completely void of gall._

_But I could die like my bros,_

_Death painful, horrible and slow,_

_If I only had the balls_

_Though true that I'm a wuss_

_I'm still alive, and that's a plus_

_Content ignoring family calls,_

_But I would die with some pride, _

Castiel tilted his head and sang, "Commence as an angelic guide,"

Dean grudgingly added "Let sensibility decide,"

Sam finished with "So long as we don't get denied when we call."

"Then I'll finally get some sense," Dean sang miserably.

"My grace," Castiel added.

"Back home," Sam said.

"The balls," Gabriel hummed.

Dean frowned at his brother as the music slowly ebbed away.

"I am confused," Castiel said somberly. Dean rolled his eyes. "Do you actually desire the metaphorical male genitalia?"

"No, not at all," Gabriel said. "I love being a coward. I would like my grace back though."

"Well why didn't you just say so at the beginning?" Dean cried. "We could have been out of here a whole musical number ago!"

"Because _someone _already did a song on grace, and we can't have any repeats, can we?" he looked at Castiel. "Honestly, Castiel, I'm disappointed with your lack of originality. You couldn't have sung about your angelic doubt and growing humanity or something? That would of ruptured a few ovaries."

Castiel gave his brother an extremely confused look.

"Come on, we're not getting any closer just standing here," Gabriel said. "I want to get out of this musical disaster just as quickly as you three do."

The four travelers and Bones began picking their way back down the golden path.

"Do you ever get the feeling that a demon is watching you in a crystal ball and plotting to drug and kidnap you?" Sam asked.

"Not usually," Dean replied.


End file.
